Insanity
by Destroyer Uv Nations
Summary: The adventures of the crew on board the Insanity.
1. Meet the Crew

Captain Lovely Ferren impatiently fidgets in the captain's chair. Really loudly. And obnoxiously. And illogically.

"Captain, please," Commander T'Rokka says from the first officer's seat right beside her.

Lovely leans over real reeeaaal slow so her chair creeeaaaks until she's right beside T'Rokka's ear. "Please what."

"Please sit still."

"But I can't," Lovely says. "I want to get this exploring mission on the road! Or in space…or…yeah."

"We must wait for the rest of the senior officers to arrive on board," T'Rokka informs her. Lovely sinks down into her chair. T'Rokka makes the observation that her captain can look very much like a puddle.

Something beeps. Lovely launches out of her chair. "They're here!"

"Sorry Captain, that was the microwave," says the helmsman, Skip, as he retrieves his warmed up coffee so he can sit it next to him and let it get cold again.

"Right." Lovely sits back down in her chair in a confused manner. "Rocky, why do we have a microwave on the bridge?"

"Because you requested it, Captain," T'Rokka says, puzzled.

Lovely snaps her fingers. "Right! Don't get old, Rocky."

"I am older than you, Captain, and I don't have any choice in the matter…" A beep cuts the Vulcan off.

Lovely tries to contain her excitement. "So is that them or was that the microwave again?"

T'Rokka looks at the empty microwave that no one is currently using and back at the captain. "That was them."

"Yes!" Lovely jumps out of her chair. She calls out, "Senior staff meeting in my ready room!" She bonks herself in the head. "Oh, right, they can't hear me. Rocky, push the button."

T'Rokka makes the announcement.

"Wait, what am I thinking?" Lovely says. "Senior staff meeting in the staff meeting room, of course."

T'Rokka makes another announcement.

"Eh, screw that," Lovely says. "Let's meet in the mess hall."

T'Rokka makes the hopefully final announcement.

Lovely drags her first officer to the turbolift (or at least tries to). "Let's go, Rocky!"

"Must you call me that?" T'Rokka asks.

"C'mon, I've called you that since we were, like, five," Lovely says.

"We did not know each other when we were five," Rocky points out.

"Well, you know what I mean."

Rocky must admit that she does not. Skip nearly spills his coffee on his way to the turbolift and hopes nobody noticed.

Everyone is gathered in the mess hall when the captain arrives. "Welcome aboard the…" Lovely leans toward Rocky and whispers, "What's the ship's name again?"

"The Insanity," Rocky answers.

"What, who named it that?" Lovely wonders.

"You did, Captain."

"Right! Welcome aboard the Insanity!" Lovely announces. She goes to shake everyone's hand.

Rocky trails after her. "Maybe you should get that memory problem checked, Captain."

"I don't have a memory problem, Rocky," Lovely says. She skips the handshake and goes in for a hug with her best friend from the Academy and new engineer, Aziyah Mox. "Moxie! It's been so long!"

"You just saw me last night, love, at the party?" Mox says.

Rocky raises her eyebrow at Lovely.

"Shut up," Lovely says. She lingers at Admiral Sukama. "Admiral Sheldon! Come to see me off?"

"Admiral Sukama, please, Captain Ferren," the admiral says.

"Call me Lovely, Admiral Sheldon, how many times have we been over this?" Lovely says.

"Too many…"

"So why don't I give you a tour before we set off?"

Admiral Sheldon tries to remove his hand from Lovely's grip. "You already have, Captain."

"Third time's the charm," Lovely says, and Admiral Sheldon is dragged away.

The rest of the crew make their way to the bridge.

"…and that's my chair, go ahead, try it out," Lovely says. She all but pushes Admiral Sheldon into her chair and then tries to squeeze her butt in beside him until they are sufficiently stuck. The chair creaks the whole time.

Admiral Sheldon notices something. "A microwave isn't regulation, Captain."

"Oh," Lovely spends too much time struggling to dislodge herself from the chair. "We don't want our coffee getting cold, right Skip?"

Skip smiles and nods and drinks his coffee and pretends like it's not cold again.

"I like cold pizza," Dr Zackery says. Everyone ignores him.

"Okay, so let's get going!" Lovely says.

"Uh, good luck on your journeys," Admiral Sheldon says as he rushes off the bridge and then off the ship.

"Aw, I was hoping to strand him on board so he'd have to come with us," Lovely says. "Skip, are we ready to go?"

"Yes Captain, just say the word," Skip replies.

Lovely sits down in a way that makes her chair as creaky as it can possibly get. Rocky puts fixing the captain's chair on her list of top-priority things to do.

Lovely suddenly catapults right back out of her seat. "And away we go!"

The Insanity warps off into deep space.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Rocky's commbadge beeps for the seventh time and Lovely asks, "Hey Rocky, what's our status?"

"Captain, the answer will not change no matter how many times you ask," Rocky replies.

"Well, eventually…"

Rocky silences her commbadge, and returns her attention to Mox. "The captain's chair is creaking."

"I'll get right on it, love," Mox replies

Mox's commbadge beeps. "Hey Moxie, is Rocky there?"

"Yup," Moxie says with a trademark creepy Trill smile for no reason.

Lovely takes a deep breath. "As I was saying, eventually…"

Rocky reaches for Moxie's commbadge. Moxie swivels so she can't get to it. Rocky keeps trying. Moxie keeps swiveling. Lovely keeps babbling, unaware of the hideously ungraceful ballet routine occurring on her bridge.

Vya walks in.

"Aah, you're naked!" Zackery exclaims.

Everyone stops and stares and Lovely peeks her head out of the ready room.

Vya, who is an alien dragon who doesn't need to wear clothes and never does, rolls her eyes. "Zackery, how many times have you made that lame joke?"

Zackery starts counting on his fingers. That'll keep him busy for a while.

Lovely plops into her seat with a dramatic CREEAK and a few squeaks that only the Vulcan and the Vorta can hear (though the Vorta's too busy counting to notice). Moxie goes about trying to fix the chair with her captain's butt shifting around in it.

"I have a feeling we forgot something…" Lovely says.

"Too late now, love," Moxie says.

"Maybe I left the oven on…" Lovely shrugs. "Oh well, if my house burns down, it burns down."

The ship lurches and flings everyone to the deck except for Skip, who is an expert at staying in his chair. Zackery's stethoscope whacks him in the nose and permanently disfigures him. No, wait, he's good. Now he's having an intense mental battle over whether his essential doctor instrument is a serious health risk or not.

"Moxie, get to engineering! Skip, report!" Lovely commands from the ground.

"We're stuck in some sort of something, Captain!" Skip calls back as the ship shakes and Vya tumbles across his console.

"I just remembered what we forgot," Lovely says. She doesn't bother trying to get up off the shaking floor.

"Now is not the time, Captain," Rocky says.

"Now _is_ the time, Rocky!" Lovely replies. "We forgot a science officer, so we don't have someone to tell us what sort of something we're stuck in."

"Or how to get out," Skip says uselessly at the useless helm. How useless.

"Moxie, what's up down there?" Lovely says over the comm.

"The engines are flipping out, love," Moxie answers. Rocky waits for a more detailed explanation but none comes and Lovely seems satisfied with that.

"The sensors are going crazy too," Vya announces.

"What is that noise, that better not be my ship," Lovely says. "It sounds like WHEEOOVVREWEERGHHGHEEERR." (That's nothing what it sounds like but close enough)

"That's not the ship, love, down here it sounds like VRRRMMMGRRVRRMMVV," Moxie says.

"Oh thank goodness."

"No, that's not good, love."

"Oh, uh, I mean, um crap."

The noise gets louder. The ship gets rockier. Then a beam of bright light shoots from the ceiling to the floor. A person who wasn't there before walks up from the back corner of the bridge, the dark one that no one looks at and certainly never bothers to fix the lights.

"HOOOLD IT!" yells the newcomer. "The Adjustor has arrived!"

Everyone stares. A random crewperson points and screams, then they all point and scream, and then they run while pointing and screaming.

"It is RUDE to point, people!" the Adjustor declares. She notices the beam of light for the first time. "Don't touch that."

A scream comes from inside the light. The Adjustor spins and dramatically sucks in a breath, then leans in close to the light and whispers, "I told you not to touch that."

Panicked shouting for help answers her from inside the light.

The Adjustor jumps into her screaming position and screams, "Don't go into the light!" She laughs at her own stupid joke. "I'm serious, don't." She whips out her sonic screwdriver and commands the light to be no more, and it disappears.

Lovely kneels there bleeding with pieces of metal ceiling sticking out of her face. Zackery tries to shove the Adjustor out of his way but finally settles for simply not. He goes around her instead.

He listens to Lovely's heart with his stethoscope as she goes into shock. "I'm gonna need to surgically remove that from her face."

"Um, there is a blue phone box on the bridge," Skip interrupts unhelpfully.

Lovely is so shocked she comes out of shock "Why is there a blue phone box on my…" she says. "Are you sure, Skip?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Are you absolutely, positively, one hundred and ninety-nine percent sure?" Lovely asks.

"Yes, ma'am."

"It's _blue_?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Zackery is awkwardly trying to carry his captain off the bridge. Vya ends up doing all the work.

" _Blue_?!" Lovely whispers to herself in disbelief.

Rocky escorts the Adjustor to the brig.

"Hey, we're not stuck anymore," Skip says. He realized no one is left on the bridge to hear him. He goes to warm up his coffee in the microwave.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Zackery finishes the surgery and takes off his surgery glasses (he can't see all that well). Lovely's face is permanently disfigured (for real this time). Her eyes are gone, replaced by scars. Zackery is explaining this to her as he listens to her heart with his stethoscope.

Lovely waves him away. "Yeah, yeah, okay Zackery, but what of the blue phone box?"

"Huh?" says Zackery. He's too intent on his doctor duties to know of any phone box.

Moxie walks in. "Ready to check out the thing that appeared on the bridge, love?"

"Yes."

"No," Zackery says at the same time.

"He means yes," Lovely says. She's already getting off the table.

"Can you see?" Moxie asks.

Lovely holds out her hand. "Zackery, give me my eyes so I can roll them."

"Captain, your eyes are nothing more than mush dripping from the broken-"

Lovely cuts him off. "TMI, doctor. Moxie, take me to the bridge."

Zackery makes a huffy noise of protest.

"Sorry, love, she's the captain," Moxie says, and they leave.

Vya set up yellow caution tape all around the box after trying to get it open for three hours.

"Report," Lovely orders.

"Everything's normal, Captain, and we're at warp seven with no problem," Skip says.

"I wasn't talking to you, Skip," Lovely says.

"Yes, Captain."

"I can't get the box open," Vya admits.

Zackery runs onto the bridge. "Captain! You shouldn't be out of sickbay yet!" He tries to listen to her heart again as if that is the answer to everything.

"That is enough of that, doctor," Lovely says and pushes him away. Zackery switches to a tricorder.

"We should interrogate the prisoner," Vya suggests.

Zackery trails them to the brig. They find the Adjustor peering intently into the top left corner at the back of her cell.

"Who are you," Vya demands to know.

"I am the Adjustor," says the prisoner. She tries to wave her sonic screwdriver around for dramatic effect, but realizes she doesn't have it and ends up awkwardly flapping her hand around instead.

"What are you doing here?" Vya asks.

"Well, I was stuck in a time loop, and by my estimates, it's been…" The Adjustor licks her finger and sticks it in the air. "306 years, 53 days, one hour, and three minutes." She tilts her head. "And I've crossed into an alternate dimension universe thingy whatever you call it. Hmm."

Lovely leans toward Moxie. "You gettin' any of this?"

"Yup," Moxie says.

"Good, 'cause I'm not."

"What was that light beam that appeared on our bridge?" Vya asks.

"Apparently you passed into the outskirts of my time loop," the Adjustor replies.

"Are you saying you created the time loop?" Vya asks.

"Yes."

"Why."

"…reasons."

"…"

"You must've accidentally dragged me out of it when you passed by. You missed getting stuck yourselves by this much." The adjustor holds her fingers together. "Do you see the teeny tiny space there? That much. Literally."

"No, I can't see," Lovely says accusingly, doing her best to glare at the Adjustor.

"Ah yes, speaking of that, it must be fate that brought us together-"

"Fate? Are you saying it was _fate_ that half my face got ripped off?" Lovely is visibly angry. Moxie takes a step back.

Zackery takes an unwitting step forward. "Actually Captain, it was more like one-fifth-"

Lovely jabs a finger over his mouth to shush him but misses and her finger goes up his nose instead. "Not now, Zackery," she says.

Zackery sneezes.

"That's not quite what I meant," the Adjustor says. "I mean I can help you. I have this thing in my Tardis…"

"Tardis?" Vya asks.

"The blue box," the Adjustor says, "Anyway, I have a special blindfold that lets blind people sense their surroundings."

"Take me to it," Lovely demands.

They return to the bridge and the Adjustor opens the blue box. "Don't touch anything," she says as if she's been in control this whole time.

Vya touches something just because.

"It's bigger on the inside!" Moxie notices after eight and a half minutes.

"Nah, it's smaller on the outside," the Adjustor says. She rummages in a pile of junk. "Sorry about the mess, I haven't cleaned in 306 years." She laughs.

Nobody else laughs. Zackery doesn't even get it.

The Adjustor finds a seemingly normal red blindfold and ties it around Lovely's face.

"Can you see now, love?" Moxie asks while getting as close to Lovely's face as humanly possible. Or as Trill-y possible. Whatever.

"Not…exactly, but I know you're right in front of me." Lovely pushes the face away. "Does it cover the scars?"

"They stick out, but hey, now we both have scars," Moxie says. They smile creepily at each other and reminisce about the good old days.

Lovely turns to the person beside her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Captain," Zackery says.

"No, not you Zackery," Lovely says. She searches out the other person. "Thank you, Adjustor."

"Glad to be of help," says the Adjustor.

"I'm still mad at you," Lovely adds. "But…we did forget a science officer, so if you want…"

"Yes!" the Adjustor says way too loudly.

They leave the Tardis and go back to the bridge. "How's it going, Rocky?" Lovely asks.

"Yes, Captain," Rocky says distractedly. She looks up real quick. "I mean, good, Captain."

"Yes, all's good that ends good," Lovely replies.

"What is ending?" Moxie asks.

"Nothing, it just felt like the right thing to say," Lovely says.

The Adjustor suddenly sucks in a deep breath and covers her mouth with her hand and stands there looking very concerned for a few minutes. Unsure of whatever rituals she may or may not have, the crew goes about their business around her.

"The time loop!" she finally says. "Go back!"

"Skip looks to Lovely for confirmation and realizes she doesn't notice him. "Captain?"

"Sure," Lovely says.

They go back to the time loop and the Adjustor attacks the science console with a passion. "Oh thank goodness," she says and slumps into the chair but misses and sprawls on the ground instead. She stays there as if that was her intention.

"Why is there a time loop again?" Lovely asks.

"I told you. Reasons." The Adjustor waves her hand in the air from her undignified position on the ground. "Carry on."

"Right," Lovely says. "And away we go!"

The Insanity warps off. Lovely's chair creaks.

The End


	2. Yay, Danger

Zackery is in the mess hall enjoying his favorite breakfast cereal. Skip joins him at the table. "Want some fruit loops?" Zackery asks, offering Skip his bowl.

Skip scrutinizes the cereal. "Those are oreos."

Zackery is silent for a moment. "Well, that's not very healthy…" He continues eating them.

Skip dunks his breakfast bagel (AKA donut) into his coffee. Rocky arrives with some good old Vulcan porridge, which she always has for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and midnight snack. Very nutritional (unlike some people).

Vya walks up with a mountain of bacon and maple syrup, with a bowl of extra syrup on the side and also a bowl of extra bacon.

Moxie makes her way to the table, spills her Andorian spice tea, promises to clean it up later, and promptly forgets about it. She digs into her omelet made with peas for the sole purpose of picking them out as she eats.

Lovely is last to the table with her somewhat normal human breakfast of pineapple pancakes and pomegranate juice. "I hope you're all ready for day two and the excitement it will bring!"

"Yeah!" Moxie exclaims. "I propose a toast."

"No thanks, I don't want toast," Zackery says politely.

"Not that kind of toast, love," Moxie says. She holds up her tea. "May today be filled with adventure, discovery, and fun."

They all clink their glasses together, and Rocky clinks her bowl of porridge 'cause she doesn't have a glass. Just then the door whooshes open extra loudly and disturbs everyone.

The Adjustor marches up and squeezes herself in at their table. "Your door wasn't quite whooshy enough. It needed to be whooshier. So I fixed it," she says. She makes a hand motion. "So it's more whooshy."

"Did I give you permission to do that?" Lovely says. She jabs her pineapple pancakes with a little extra force than usual.

The Adjustor doesn't seem to notice the waves of rage aimed in her direction. "I thought you'd like it," she says as she not-so-sneakily sneaks a piece of pancake off Lovely's plate.

Lovely seriously considers stabbing her with a fork. The rest of the crew act very interested in Skip's sudden conversation about his brother's completely and utterly ordinary incident-free visit to their mom's house.

"Don't do things without asking me," Lovely orders.

"Yes, right," the Adjustor says as she steals another piece of pancake.

Lovely slams her hand down on the unsuspecting thief. "Did you _ask_ if you could do that?!"

"Sorry," the Adjustor says, not sounding very sorry at all, and pulls her hand free so dramatically that she knocks over the pomegranate juice.

Lovely jumps up as it spills onto her. "I'm sick of you!" And then she stomps toward the door.

"Can I have your pancakes?" the Adjustor asks.

"No!" The door whooshes very loudly and Lovely leaves.

Skip takes Lovely's pancakes. Zackery offers the Adjustor his fruit loops that are actually oreos, then scolds her for eating unhealthy.

Lovely goes to her quarters and gets a shower and uses all the hot water on purpose. Later she goes to the bridge to find an ominous dark shape in her chair. "Get out of _my chair_ ," she growls.

"Yes, Captain." Rocky gets out of the chair.

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were the Adjustor." Lovely plops into her chair, leans close to Rocky, and whispers. "Is she in here?"

"No, Captain."

"Good," Lovely says. "She's annoying."

Another ominous dark shape gets into Lovely's personal space. (All shapes look ominous and dark to her). "Can you tell who I am, Captain?"

"Yes, Moxie."

"How?" Moxie asks.

"Your smell."

Moxie wanders off in a daze while trying to smell herself.

The Adjustor barrels onto the bridge, pauses to make the door extra whooshy, and proceeds to the science station in the dark corner of the bridge next to the Tardis.

She pretends like nothing is wrong between her and the captain. Lovely pretends she doesn't exist.

The Adjustor sonics her console for a while and then says, "Go to the fourth planet from the sun in the upcoming solar system."

Lovely can't stand it any more. She jumps up from her chair and turns on the Adjustor. " _Excuse_ me, who's in charge here?" she says. "Let me explain to you the order of things. I'm in charge, then Rocky, then Vya, then Skip, Moxie, Zackery, every other random crewmember on this ship, the ship itself, the microwave, and _then_ you."

"I pose it as a suggestion then," the Adjustor says with a shrug.

"Why do you want to go there?" Lovely asks suspiciously. "Do you know something we don't?"

"No, it just seems fun," the Adjustor replies.

Lovely sighs overdramatically and sits back down in a huff. She waits several minutes, then says, "Okay, we'll go. But not because _you_ want to."

Skip quietly pilots the ship to the planet. He doesn't want to get involved in any way in the drama happening behind him. Why can't things be as safe and normal and unthreatening as it is on his brother Jaime's ship?

The Adjustor starts excitedly scanning stuff with the science station. "We can't beam down, we'll have to take a shuttle," she informs them even though nobody asked.

Lovely ignores her. "Moxie, can we beam down?"

"No, love, you'll have to take a shuttle," Moxie replies from the engineering station.

"Rocky, you have the bridge. Skip, Vya, you're with me," Lovely says. "We're going down."

The Adjustor, who is convinced that her name was included, joins the little group heading for the turbolift.

Lovely pushes her away. " _Not you_."

The away team leaves.

The Adjustor leans close to Moxie and whispers, "Can you keep a secret?"

"No," says Moxie.

"I'm starting to think Lovely doesn't like me very much," the Adjustor whispers.

Skip expertly lands the shuttle on the planet. They venture three feet out into the steamy jungle landscape before realizing they have no plan.

"So what do we do?" Vya asks.

Lovely shrugs. "Explore?"

Vya looks around. "Well, there's jungle that way…and that way…and over there…there's some trees…there's Skip's butt…more jungle…Skip, what are you doing?"

"Check out these little guys," Skip says. In front of him are two tiny, bug-eyed, frog-dinosaur creatures. "Hello, we are from the starship USS Insanity and we come in peace," Skip says.

The creatures stare at him.

"I don't think they're an intelligent species," Vya points out.

"You never know." Skip shrugs. "Look at you."

Vya looks at herself and starts turning in circles. "Why, is there a bug on me?"

"Let's go that way and see if we can find anything interesting," Lovely says.

"Should we be taking notes or something?" Skip asks. He gets his tricorder out.

"Why didn't you let the Adjustor come?" Vya asks. "This is kind of her job."

"'Cause she's annoying," Lovely says.

"But you made her the science officer," Vya says.

"That was before I _knew_ her," Lovely says. "She's probably up on my ship doing something really irritating."

 _On the ship, the Adjustor is very calmly and peacefully sitting there._

"She's stupid…"

 _The Adjustor solves the unsolvable problem of the captain's creaky chair._

"She stinks…"

 _An aroma of honeysuckle and red velvet muffins surrounds the Adjustor._

"Nobody likes her…"

 _Zackery, Moxie, and Rocky are all enjoying a good game of Kal-toh with the Adjustor._

Skip tunes out his captain's complaints. He finds an interesting pebble and puts it in his pocket. He tunes back in.

"She's completely unreliable. I might kick her off the ship altogether," Lovely is saying.

"Really, Captain?" Skip asks, surprised. "She's only been here for one day.

"I think you're holding a grudge because she caused your blindness," Vya puts in. She's gonna regret that.

"I am not!" Lovely says defensively. " _I_ don't hold grudges! Now go walk back there by yourself."

Vya grumbles but obeys.

"Farther," Lovely says.

Vya grumbles some more and takes one teeny tiny step back.

"Farther!"

Vya stomps away from them out of hearing range, turns dramatically and snorts at her captain. She follows them at a distance.

Skip leads the way. He leads them right into danger.

"Are we sinking?" Lovely asks. She can't move her feet anymore.

"Yes, Captain," Skip replies. "But I'm not sure if it's quicksand or poop, 'cause it's kinda green and lumpy and warm…"

"It's about to be part barf if you don't stop describing it," Lovely says. "Where's Vya? She can save us. Vya! Help!"

"I'm stuck in here, too, Captain," Vya says.

"Oh."

Skip notices some of the little creatures at the edge of the greenish puddle. He sees what they're doing. "It's poop."

"Skip!"

"Sorry."

They have sunk to their waists now. "Any ideas on how to get out?" Lovely asks.

"I can almost reach this vine," Skip says. He puts great effort into it. "Got it! OW! It's covered in thorns."

"Man up," Vya says. "Unless you want me to do it."

"Noooo," Skip says. He cuts his arms, legs, stomach, face, hands, feet, back, neck, and right shoulder while pulling himself out. Finding nothing but thorny vines, he throws it back to Vya.

Lovely clings freakishly to Vya's neck. Vya gets one tiny little insignificant cut on her finger while pulling herself and her captain out.

The bug-eyed creatures stare at them. They move on. They come across a trench with a skinny little tree across it. On the other side is a bunch of the creatures. Just staring. Vya feels a little unnerved.

Skip stares at the questionable tree lying across the chasm. "We really shouldn't…"

"But we're going to," Lovely says.

Vya crosses it first to make sure it's safe. (It's not). Then Skip manages to make it across with only a slip, a wobble, and a near-death experience.

Lovely is last to cross. The tree snaps. Lovely screams as she falls to her death. Oh wait, she's not falling. She is now laying on the tree, hugging it for dear life.

"Lovely, the tree is breaking, you have to jump!" Vya calls.

"You try jumping from this position!" Lovely shouts back.

Vya doesn't mention that she can, in fact, jump from that position.

"Hold out your hand then!" Skip says, reaching for the captain.

Lovely's hand waves around unhelpfully. Skip miraculously catches it. The tree breaks and they both fall. Skip's ankle catches in a convenient loop of vine and he bashes against the side of the cliff, scraping along it. Lovely swings unharmed beneath him.

Lovely's grip tightens when she realized Skip is no longer holding on to her. "Oh no, Vya, Skip's dead!" she screeches in a panic.

Vya pulls them up and they fuss over the dead Skip.

"He's still alive," Vya says. "But we need to get him back to the ship."

"Our way across the trench is gone," Lovely says. "We'll need to call down another shuttle." She taps her commbadge. "Lovely to Insanity."

The commbadge makes a pathetic splutter noise, much like the one Admiral Sheldon makes when he gets really awkward and embarrassed. Lovely taps it more aggressively and tries again. No answer.

"The stupid _science officer_ failed to mention that comms wouldn't work!" Lovely yells into the jungle.

Vya is feeling the anger as well. She growls threateningly at the innocent group of creatures watching them. They each have a very unprofessional rage tantrum over their predicament.

Lovely smoothes her shirt down. "Maybe there's another way across."

Vya carries Skip on her back and they walk along the trench. A bunch of the little creatures trail behind curiously.

"Does it seem like more and more creatures are following us?" Vya asks.

"I wouldn't know," Lovely admits. "They all group together, so they just look like a blob of motion to me."

Vya watches the creatures suspiciously. The creatures watch Vya suspiciously. It starts raining.

"Aw, man," Lovely pouts. "Could it get any worse?"

It starts raining rocks.

"Seriously?"

They are getting pelted by rocks. Serious injury and/or death lurks with every blow. Poor defenseless Skip is getting the worst of it.

"We have to find shelter!" Vya says. She takes off at a run and leaves Lovely in the dust. Lovely slowly fumbles her way through the jungle until Vya comes back for her.

They hide in a cave as the rocks come down harder and bigger. Skip is still out.

"We should never have come here. If it wasn't for the Adjustor and her dumb idea…" Lovely mutters. She sinks down to the floor and into a mood.

Vya looks toward the cave opening but she can no longer see out. The whole space is filled with big round eyes, creepily staring. Not blinking. Hundreds of them. Thousands even. Millions! Billions! Okay maybe not that many…

The creatures all suddenly open their frog mouths much bigger than seems possible. Then they attack. They leap onto Vya.

"Protect Skip!" Vya yells.

Lovely scrambles and makes things worse. "What's going on!" She throws herself over Skip. She totally, completely, and without a doubt misses, landing on the cold hard ground.

Vya can't answer. She has a creature in her mouth, one in each hand, one in her left foot, three in her hair, and about fifty more piled on top. More are coming at her. Blood flows. The creatures' needle fangs rip Vya's skin. Vya's own fangs puncture their little hearts.

Vya chomps another creature in half. "We could really use some help right about now!"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

On board the Insanity, everyone is chilling on the bridge without a care in the universe. They are quite bored, actually. Except Rocky. Vulcans don't get bored.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

One creature breaks through Vya's defense. Lovely senses something coming and blindly flails her arms around. One hand smacks painfully into an inconvenient rock formation. The other actually hits the creature.

It flings, but its teeny tiny claw leaves a teeny tiny pinprick in Lovely's hand. A single teeny tiny drop of blood appears.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

On the ship, Rocky's head snaps up. "My eleventh sense tells me the captain is in trouble."

"Eleventh?" Moxie asks. "How many senses do you have?"

"Twenty-seven."

The Adjustor overhears from where she is hooking stuff up so that the ship sounds like the Tardis when it goes to warp. "The captain's in trouble?"

"Lieutenant Mox, you and the Adjustor go find the away team," Rocky orders. "Take Dr Zackery with you." 

"Sure thing, love," Moxie says. They meet in the shuttlebay.

The Adjustor is excited to be useful and to possibly prove herself to the captain. "I'll drive!" She plants herself in the pilot's chair.

"Are you sure you know how?" Zackery asks as he struggles to bring in five armloads of completely unnecessary doctor stuff.

"I am confident in my ability to fly this thing," the Adjustor says.

 _ **Ten Minutes Later**_

"You crashed!" Zackery exclaims.

"But I did so with confidence!" the Adjustor declares.

The one and only tricorder has been broken in four pieces. Moxie tries to fix it for about six minutes before giving up.

"How are we gonna rescue the captain without a tricorder?" Zackery sighs in defeat.

"No!" the Adjustor shouts. "You will not give up! Follow me!" They set off into the jungle.

Zackery tries his hardest to keep up with the Adjustor. Moxie doesn't try quite as hard.

"How do you know we're going the right way?" Zackery pants.

"I don't." The Adjustor sticks a leaf in her mouth and chokes on it. "My usual methods of tracking aren't working here…" She glares suspiciously at the rock-covered ground.

Zackery watches the Adjustor spend an indeterminate amount of time trying to sonic a rock with her screwdriver. "This is hopeless…" he mumbles.

The sonic screwdriver is turned on him in a second. " _You_ are hopeless!"

Moxie finally catches up with them. The Adjustor takes off into the jungle again. Zackery weakly calls for her to slow down and stumble-run-walks after her. Moxie continues her leisurely stroll.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The hoard of creatures is overtaking Vya. Lovely hunches protectively over Skip. Oh wait, this isn't Skip. Lovely realizes she's been protecting a rock this whole time. She scrambles around in search of him.

The creatures are almost upon her (and probably Skip too). Lovely is resigning herself to her imminent bloody end when a mighty force storms in. It charges into the cave like a wild hurricane of barbed-wire chainsaws or something.

Lovely isn't sure if she should be relieved or expecting a whole new kind of painful death.

"The Adjustor has arrived!" says the barbed-wire chainsaw hurricane.

A strange sound assaults the creatures' tiny brains. The tiny brains explode out of their heads. All the creatures are dead.

The Adjustor studies her sonic screwdriver. "What an interesting and slightly horrible outcome. I did not expect that." She stares quite a bit longer before snapping out of it. "The Adjustor has arrived! Oh wait, I already said that…"

"Took you long enough," Vya groans from the ground.

Lovely approaches the Adjustor. "You saved us," she says. "I guess you are more reliable than I thought. And I'm sorry about all the horrible things I said about you."

"Huh?" the Adjustor asks.

"Nothing," Lovely says quickly.

Moxie finally arrives to the cave carrying Zackery.

"What happened to him?" Vya asks.

"He fainted 'cause he thought he saw a Cardassian shriek-bat, but it was actually a mushroom," Moxie replies.

The Adjustor flips Skip over her shoulder and marches out of the cave. "Follow me!"

The Adjustor helpfully helps Moxie fix the crashed shuttle. They pick up the other one and return to the ship.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"So, Rocky, how'd you know we were in trouble?" Lovely asks once she is at last settled into her nice, comfy, surprisingly non-creaky chair.

"My eleventh sense," Rocky replies.

"Yeah, but like, how does that work?"

"It makes me know."

"Ah," Lovely says. "Very informative."

"Certainly," says Rocky.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

In sickbay, Skip is up and about. Zackery has moved on to healing Vya's various cuts and bite marks.

Skip pulls a tiny pebble out of his pocket. "Oh yeah, I forgot I had this." He doesn't know what to do with it. "I guess I could send it to Jaime as a present."

Zackery stalks over Skip's shoulder. "Maybe you should get it tested or something first. Foreign objects can be dangerous, you know. Especially if swallowed…" Zackery sinks into one of his doctor rants that nobody ever listens to.

"It's just a pebble," Skip says. He leaves to go space-mail it to Jaime. Vya runs out as well, leaving Zackery to rant all on his lonesome.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Skip and Vya finally arrive on the bridge, followed by Zackery.

"HeeeEEY," Lovely greets them in an un-captainly manner. She stands up. "I just want all my crew to know that I'm grateful to every one of you for saving my life, or, in some cases, at least trying. And especially to the Adjustor. You have proved yourself worthy to serve on my ship."

The Adjustor isn't there. She walks in two seconds later. "Hello, why is everyone staring at me?"

Lovely repeats herself. The Adjustor is extra extra happy.

"Now on to the next hopefully less perilous adventure!" Lovely exclaims overdramatically. "And away we go!"

The Insanity goes to warp. It sounds like the Tardis. The Adjustor is extra extra extra happy.


	3. Shadows, Demons, and Mutant Trills

On the bridge there is a burst of uncontrollable laughter.

"…and remember that one time…"

"Yeah! With the stuff!"

"…at that place…"

"…with that guy…you remember that guy?"

"How could I forget that guy?"

"…and you did that thing!"

"Oooh yeah, the thing…don't get me started!" Lovely and Moxie sink into a silent laughing fit.

Skip and Vya chuckle awkwardly, not knowing what the heck they're talking about. Zackery looks rather scared in his bewilderment. Rocky is silent as she tries to imagine a place where emotion doesn't surround her. The Adjustor giggles at exactly the wrong moment.

"We were just remembering the good old Academy days," Moxie explains when she can breathe again.

"Oh yes, the Academy," Vya says.

"What would that be then?" the Adjustor asks.

"A place you really need to go to," Lovely replies. "It would teach you a few things about following orders on a starship."

"I said I was sorry about making the ship sound like the Tardis," the Adjustor says. "It's really not such a horrible thing."

"My ship sounds like it's dying whenever it goes to warp," Lovely says.

The Adjustor looks completely and utterly traumatized. "That is a sound of beauty!"

"My favorite part of the Academy was the food," Zackery puts in. "They had the best cold pizza."

"How can you have the best cold pizza?" Moxie asks. "Cold pizza is cold pizza."

Zackery is stunned into silence.

"I liked field training myself," Vya says.

"Nobody liked field training, Vya, you're a weirdo," Skip says.

"How would you know, you were missing every other day," Vya returns.

"That was an accident," Skip says.

"Every time?"

"…maybe…"

"I preferred the Logic Club," Rocky says,

"That's 'cause you invented it," Lovely says.

Rocky chooses not to mention that if Lovely had even a single shred of logic, she would've liked it too.

"Hey Lovely, remember that creep you always hung out with?" Moxie asks.

"You mean you?" Lovely says.

Moxie playfully shoves Lovely out of her chair. "No, the other one."

"Yes, of course I remember," Lovely says. Before she can go on, something beeps. "Skip, turn the microwave off."

"Actually Captain, that means we're being hailed," Skip replies.

"Oh really? Sounds just like the microwave," Lovely says. "Maybe we should change our ringtone…"

Everyone gets into their proper positions to try and appear like at least a half-civilized starship. They answer the hail.

A white face with floaty black hair, black eyes, and sharp teeth appears on screen. At first it looks confidently superior, but then it turns puzzled and surprised.

"Speaking of creeps," Moxie mumbles.

Everything is silent for a long time.

"Hello, is anyone there?" Lovely asks. "I can't see screens, so you'll have to speak up."

"Lovely?" the person finally says. "That's you, right?"

"Shadow," Lovely replies simply. "We were just gonna start talking about you. How've you been?"

"Better than you, by the looks of it," Shadow says. A redhead Trill cracks up and a demon woman snorts once in mild amusement behind her.

"Shut up, my looks are still better than yours," Lovely responds.

"I see you've finally become a captain like you've always wanted," Shadow says.

"Was there ever any doubt?" Lovely asks. "How do you like my ship?"

"Nice," Shadow admits grudgingly. "But what's that thing in the back corner there?"

"Oh, that's the Adjustor."

The Adjustor waves.

"No, that blue box," Shadow says. "Very unusual."

"You mean the microwave?" Lovely says.

"The microwave isn't in the back corner, Captain, and also it's not blue," the Adjustor says helpfully.

"Thank you, Adjustor, that's enough out of you," Lovely grumbles.

The Adjustor strokes the blue box. "This is my Tardis."

"What did I just say," Lovely whisper-yells.

The bridge is silent. Skip chokes on his cold coffee but feels too awkward to go use the microwave now. Shadow smirks.

"I may be blind but I know you're doing that creepy smile, Shadow," Lovely says. "Don't get any ideas."

"Do you remember Vrudje?" Shadow asks.

Moxie narrows her eyes in hate.

The Trill behind Shadow waves and smiles evilly (that's her favorite kind of smile). "Yes, it is I," she says. "I go by Smudje now. You see, I take the first two letters of the host's last name and…"

"Shut up, Smudje," says the red demon-looking person.

"She's…alive?" Lovely asks.

"Shadow saved me," Smudje explains. "You Starfleet people and the Trill Symbiosis group were all just gonna let me die."

"You deserved it," Moxie says.

"Aaaanyway," Shadow cuts in. "Go away or we'll destroy you."

"Ha!" Lovely exclaims. "Like your ship is better than mine."

Moxie studies the readings. "Actually, love, their ship can kick our ship's butt."

"…nevermind then," Lovely says.

"Leave or I'll shoot," Shadow repeats.

Lovely gets up to pace, trips over Rocky's feet in the process, and then continues on as if nothing happened. She comes to a stop behind Skip. "Why should I?" she asks.

"'Cause I'll kill you if you don't."

"You'd kill me? Just like that?" Lovely asks. She taps Skip twice on the shoulder. "After all we've been through together?"

Shadow thinks about it for a second. "Yes."

Lovely raises her hands in defeat. "Alright. We'll leave."

The Insanity shoots off past Shadow's ship, right where Shadow didn't want them to go, and the call ends.

"Excellent performance, crew," Lovely says. "A few things I'd like to point out though. Adjustor, you need to shut up sometimes. Rocky, you need to work on foot placement. And Zackery, I forgot you were even here. Try harder next time."

"Yes, Captain, sorry," Zackery apologizes.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Shadow's greatest wish right now is to glare at Lovely. She settles for glaring at the wall. "Murv, fetch me an expendable slave to behead."

Murv rushes off to do that and desperately hopes he never becomes expendable.

"What was that all about?" asks Rumyk (the red demon-woman) in a disinterested voice.

"An old friend turned enemy," Shadow explains. "Can we follow them?"

"No, the sensors got screwed," replies Smudje. She tries to elbow Shadow. Shadow makes herself incorporeal and Smudje elbows the air. "Did you see? Aziyah was there."

Shadow's creepy smile returns. "We can kill two people with one blast."

Smudje smiles as well. They stare at each other in mutual creepiness.

"Anyone wanna go to McSpacey's?" Rumyk asks boredly. Nobody answers so she decides to fly the ship there.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"I can't believe Vru-er, Smudje is alive," Moxie says.

The Adjustor does what she does best and butts into everyone else's business. "Did you know those people?"

"Sit down, everyone, it's story time!" Lovely announces. "Let me start from the beginning."

:: _ **FLASHBACK**_ ::

Little Lovely always listens to her parents. Except right now. Lovely swears that her nature and tree-history loving mom and dad could stare at an old stump for six hours straight.

They told her not to wander off, but as they were ranting about tree rings and aging, she did. Off into the Icelandic forest she went. Another thing about her parents, they were so into the trees of Earth, they barely noticed space travel was even an option.

Their daughter wanted to explore the universe and meet aliens. So when seven-year-old Lovely spots a little alien girl roaming the woods, she feels lucky. Lovely walks over to go say hi.

The alien girl's skin is white, but her floaty hair is black. So are her eyes, nails, and even tongue. Her wispy black dress seems made of mist.

"Hi!" Lovely greets cheerfully.

"Hello!" replies the alien.

"I'm Lovely," Lovely says.

The alien gives her a suspicious look. "Well, that's a selfish thing to say."

"No, that's my name," Lovely explains.

"Oh. I'm Shadow," says the alien. Lovely thinks that's a fitting name.

"My parents are being boring, so I'm going on an adventure," Lovely says.

"Mine too!" Shadow says excitedly. "They were busy doing king and queen stuff, so I snuck away into space and came here."

"Your parents are a king and queen?" Lovely asks.

"Yeah, and one day I'll be queen," Shadow says.

"I'm gonna be a starship captain," Lovely says confidently.

Shadow doesn't know what that is so Lovely tells her as they wander the forest, and Shadow talks about her homeworld. Eventually, Lovely leads her new friend back to her parents, who are still obsessing over the tree stump.

Her dad is measuring the stump with his old-fashioned tape measure that takes him a half hour to roll back up. Her mom is perched freakishly atop the stump in an effort to 'become the tree to know the tree'.

"Mom, Dad, I found a new friend in the woods," Lovely interrupts.

"That's fantastic, darling," says her mom. "Will she be staying for dinner?"

"Can she sleepover too?" Lovely asks.

"As long as it's okay with her parents."

Lovely and Shadow smile as innocently as they can and nod.

"Nice to meet you," Lovely's dad says, giving Shadow a handshake. "I call that the dad-shake." He cracks up.

Lovely knows what's coming next. The question he asks everyone to deem them worthy of being his daughter's friend.

He eyes Shadow up and asks in his most serious voice, "How many trees are there in the forest?"

Shadow looks around nervously. "Uh, twelve?"

"Close enough!" Lovely's dad says enthusiastically. "Welcome to the family."

::END FLASHBACK::

"And that's how I met Shadow," Lovely finishes the story. Her bridge crew is sitting around her on the floor.

"Shadow practically lived with us for the following years," Lovely continues. "We pretty much grew up together. We joined the Academy at the same time. And then I met Moxie."

:: _ **FLASHBACK**_ ::

The intercom beeps for everyone to hear in the Academy yard. "Jaime Perez, please report to the Administator's Office. Your brother has gone missing...again."

Lovely notices Jaime, who just arrived at the Academy six months ago, calmly stroll toward the building without a care in the world. Lovely, on the other hand, is dodging people, plants, anti-grav carts, and other objects as she races toward her survival training class.

Ahead of her a sharp-toothed smile floats along in a black mist.

"Stop with the creepy smile, Shadow, some of us can't go into ghost form," Lovely says, trying to swipe at her friend and nearly tripping over a Vorta who had apparently dropped his pizza on the ground. Shadow makes herself fully visible again and they sneak into the group of students listening to the hot young teacher, Mr Sukama, who pretends not to notice that they're late.

Mr Sukama describes the survival obstacle course. "You'll be on teams of three. Don't hesitate to use your special abilities and strengths to overcome obstacles. All three on your team must get to the finish line to pass the test."

Everyone starts picking out teammates. Shadow and Lovely latch onto each other. "Wanna be on our team, Mr Sheldon?" Lovely asks.

"Mr Sukama, please, Miss Ferren," Mr Sheldon says awkwardly. He directs a student their way. "Miss Vraal will be your third teammate."

The Trill student holds out her hand. "Call me Aziyah."

Lovely and Shadow introduce themselves. "She'll never keep up with us," Shadow whispers to Lovely.

Lovely elbows Shadow. "Be nice."

Everyone gets ready. "Go," Mr Sheldon says too quietly. He clears his throat. "Go!"

The first obstacle is a climbing wall. Shadow floats up it easily. Aziyah scrambles up the wall ungracefully but needs no help. Lovely is partway up when she is distracted by a very handsome student.

"Look, it's Manuel Ashford!" she says, pointing. Shadow grabs her arm and drags her up to the top of the wall.

Their next task is to tie themselves emergency harnesses and zipline down the other side. They each do so with no problems.

After that they must swim across a small lake, target practice with phasers, and walk across a balance beam while volunteers try to knock them off by throwing stuff at them (a certain volunteer named Ince seems to be enjoying it) The last test is to fix a shuttle, fly it, and then land in a target on the ground.

The fixing would be easy if Lovely and Shadow had paid any attention in engineering class. Luckily, Aziyah did. She quickly fixes the shuttle and then lands it perfectly in the center of the target. They cross the finish line.

Lovely high-fives her teammates. "Aziyah, you've got moxie!"

Shadow doesn't high-five Aziyah. She scrutinizes the Trill's landing job instead. "She landed a little to the left."

"Who cares, Shadow!" Lovely says. "We passed our survival test! We're almost ready to graduate!" She dances around with Aziyah.

Shadow glares coldly at her friend celebrating with someone else.

::END FLASHBACK::

"Is that when you first noticed that Shadow might turn to the evil side?" Vya asks.

"Oh, no, I suspected a long time ago," Lovely replies. "When I was teaching her how to drive a ground shuttle."

 _ **::FLASHBACK::**_

"Slow down, Shadow!"

"You could at least try to stay on the road!"

"Red lights are not optional..."

"Shadow, that was a person you almost hit!"

 _ **::END FLASHBACK::**_

"Anywway, ever since Shadow met Moxie, she became meaner," Lovely explains. "She was obviously jealous that I had another friend. And then we graduated from the Academy. Moxie talked me into going to Trill for our graduation trip, and Shadow came along of course."

"Aw, not the graduation trip," Moxie complains.

"Graduation trip was awesome!" Skip says. "Why are you acting like it wasn't?"

"Let's just say I've had better vacations, love," Moxie says.

Everyone huddles closer to listen as Lovely continues. "So the three of us arrived on Trill..."

 _ **::FLASHBACK::**_

Lovely and Moxie strip down to their bathing suits On the beach of Trill. Shadow watches with her now common grumpy stare from beneath the umbrella.

"Aren't you coming, love?" Moxie asks.

Shadow crosses her arms. "I hate the sun."

Lovely tries to grab Shadow's hand and drag her out. Shadow's hand becomes mist.

"Come on, Shadow, have some fun!" Lovely says.

Shadow doesn't have fun watching the other two run into the purple ocean. She sulks on the beach, amusing herself with daydreams of Moxie drowning. Maybe Lovely too, if she wants to act this way and forget Shadow even exists...

It is nearly sunset when Lovely and Moxie return to the umbrella. "Hey Shadow, we found a cave! Come check it out with us," Lovely says.

Shadow gives her the silent treatment.

"Come on, it'll be like the old days," Lovely says.

Shadow jabs a long claw toward where Moxie waits a distance away. " _She_ wasn't here in the old days."

"Don't be hostile, Shadow," Lovely says. "We can all explore the cave like civilized people."

Shadow drifts along behind them as aggressively as she can. At first the cave is like any other cave. But then it becomes obvious that someone has turned the cave into some sort of lab.

"What's this place?" Moxie wonders.

"It looks like someone's been doing some experimenting," Lovely says. She peers into a glass jar with an animal head inside. "And trying to hide it."

Shadow can't help but be curious as she walks along a line of containers holding dead animals. "They look like they were torn apart from the inside."

They all stare at each other. They venture deeper into the cave despite how disturbing it is. It ends in a cavern full of test tubes and big tubs of colorful liquids.

On the ground lies a mauled Trill. Lovely rushes to his side, but finds he is long gone.

"What could have done this?" Moxie asks, staring down at the bloody mess. The Trill's symbiont lies dead beside him, nearly ripped in half. Moxie doesn't notice the little head poke out of the surface of the bubbling liquid behind her.

Shadow does notice and does nothing to stop it. The thing lunges out of the tub and clings onto Moxie. She leaps sideways and lets out a pathetic strangled squeal, landing wrong and falling to the ground with a _thing_ slithering all over her. Lovely jumps in but the wriggly creature is suprisingly strong.

"Get it off!" Moxie screams.

"What is it?" Shadow asks, sounding more fascinated than concerned.

"Some sort of mutant Trill symbiont!" Moxie exclaims as she struggles to keep the scary sharp teeth away.

The mutant symbiont takes a chunk out of Lovely's hand and then bites into Moxie. It burrows into her stomach and latches onto her spinal cord.

Lovely is already pressing her beach towel onto Moxie's bleeding stomach. "Are you okay? Moxie!?"

"I am not Moxie," Moxie says.

"Then who?" Shadow asks, intrigued.

"Alone, I am Udje. Merged with this body, I become Vrudge. And you are right," it says through Moxie. "I am a mutant Trill." She indicates the dead Trill. "That scientist there accidentally mutated me. I let him know how grateful I was before I killed him."

"Why'd you have to kill him?" Lovely asks.

"He saw me as a danger and was going to kill me." Vrudje shrugs and smiles creepily. "He was right."

"Get out of Moxie," Lovely demands. "You are not staying in there."

Shadow watches in amusement as Vrudje shoves Lovely and dances away. "Oh yeah?" Vrudje taunts. "Ninety-three hours from now you'll kill her if you take me out." Vrudje continues to prance toward the cave exit.

"Shadow, stop her!" Lovely shouts. "Do something!"

Shadow does nothing. Vrudje escapes with a disturbing laugh into the unsuspecting world of Trill.

Lovely takes a few helpless running steps to follow but gives up.

"Shadow, what is wrong with you!?" Lovely exclaims.

"Nothing," Shadow replies. "That was rather fascinating, actually."

Lovely can't believe what she's hearing. " _Fascinating_? Shadow, Moxie's in _trouble_. Our _friend_."

" _Your_ friend," Shadow snarls back.

"Fine, if she's not your friend, she's at least a life who doesn't deserve this!" Lovely argues. "Don't you care at all?"

"No," Shadow says.

Lovely stares into Shadow's soulless black eyes before leaving without another word.

 _ **::END FLASHBACK::**_

"That Vrudje was a clever sneak," Lovely says. "I helped the Trill police follow the bloody trail of dead bodies to her. But it took us a week to find her."

"So it was too late for Moxie?" the Adjustor asks. "And she died?"

Everyone stares at the Adjustor.

"Ahem!" Moxie says really loud.

"Oh yes, right! Hello!" the Adjustor says. "Sorry, I was getting into it."

"I _thought_ it was too late," Lovely continues. "But they saved her by joining her with Mox, who was conveniently available."

"What happened to Shadow?" Vya asks.

"We found her right alongside Vrudje, participating in the torture and killing of innocent people," Lovely replies. "I guess she finally cracked. She went on to do evil things like destroying entire worlds. And that's the story."

Zackery starts clapping and then awkwardly stops when he notices nobody else is joining in.

"Which brings us to the question, what are Shadow and Vru- um, Smudje doing out here?" Moxie wonders.

Lovely smiles mischieviously. "Let's find out."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Still no sign of them," Murv reports.

Shadow lounges in the center seat and pulls the straw of her space smoothie up and down so it makes a horrible screechy sits crumpled in the chair to Shadow's left, picking the seeds off the top of her spaceburger and flicking them into Murv's hair. Smudje is sneaking around behind Rumyk's chair to try and steal her smoothie even though she already has one. It's always better to have two.

"We just got a message," Murv says after a while.

"Play it," Rumyk says.

Lovely's voice can be heard from the comm. "Did you like my little trick? Maybe my ship is better than yours after all. If you want to find me so I can gloat in person, here are my coordinates."

Murv reads the coordinates that came with the message.

"Hmm, this seems a little too easy," Shadow says suspiciously. She shrugs. "Ready to witness a battle of minds and possibly fists, Murv?"

Actually Murv does not feel ready for such a thing. "Yeah," he says anyway.

"Lovely has yet to learn that I am stronger, faster, smarter, and everything better than her," Shadow says. She goes back to playing with her straw.

Rumyk puts no effort into searching for her mysteriously missing smoothie. Smudje laughs like a weirdo and drinks out of both straws of her two smoothies at the same time.

"How long till we get there?" Shadow asks.

"We'll be there in no time," Murv replies.

 _ **NO TIME LATER**_

"We're here," Murv announces.

Shadow leaps out of her chair. "Yes!" She stares expectantly at the empty starscape on the viewscreen. "Well, where is she?"

"Scans say there are no ships out there," Murv reports.

Shadow squeezes her cup and smoothie explodes out of the bent and chewed up straw. "She said she'd be here!"

Smudje goes to lick up the smoothie off the floor. Rumyk watches as it drips off of Shadow's cup and into Smudje's hair.

"I know," Shadow finally says. She whirls around and smoothie flings across the bridge to land across Murv's face. "I'll go conquer and enslave a world. She hates when I do that."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The Insanity is hiding in a nebula, watching the villains' ship sit there in space.

"Ha! I can just imagine her frustration," Lovely says.

The ship doesn't move for a moment and then starts flying away.

"Wait a minute, what's she doing?" Lovely asks. "She's going to conquer and enslave a world, isn't she? I hate when she does that!"

Skip maneuvers in front of Shadow's ship.

"They're hailing," Vya says.

"Don't answer yet," Lovely orders.

The bridge is filled with beeping, louder and louder, until it sounds like something's gonna explode!

"Adjustor, stop sonicing the microwave!" Lovely says. "Now is not the time!"

The Adjustor retreats to the science station, content with the fact that there will be a time at some point.

"Okay, answer it," Lovely finally says.

"Stop messing with me," Shadow growls.

"Or what," Lovely replies.

Rocky calls for the sound to be muted. "Captain, are you sure it's a good idea to provoke them?"

"Of course not, Rocky," Lovely replies. "Vya, turn the sound back on." Vya does.

Rocky stares in silence. She cannot comprehend the nonexistence of logic in this room.

"Admit it, Shadow, I outsmarted you," Lovely says. "Now I'm going to turn you in to Starfleet security."

"You have nothing on me," Shadow says confidently.

"You and Smudje are both in trouble with the Trill Authorities, the Federation, too many alien worlds to count, and me," Lovely says.

"I can deal with you easily," Shadow says. "You're just a helpless Human."

"Take that back, you contemptible creature!" Lovely responds.

"Loser Lovely!"

"Stupid Shadow!"

"Arrogant Earthling!"

"You're fat!"

Shadow snarls and hangs up.

"HA! I always have the best insults," Lovely says proudly.

Zackery repairs Rocky's logic-starved brain. Something materializes in the center of the bridge.

"What is it? What did she send?" Lovely asks.

"A...shovel," Vya replies.

Lovely frowns. "She promised never to mention that again..." She jumps up from her chair. "That's it! Send her a mango. She hates mangoes."

The Adjustor gets on that. Everyone else is too confused.

Shadow reappears on the screen, looking quite angry. In the background, Smudje is eating the mango. Rumyk watches in mild interest, wondering if it's poisoned or not.

"I tire of this," Shadow says. "Let's settle this once and for all. On this planet at these coordinates."

"Bets and all?" Lovely asks.

"Yes. If you win, I will give you...my waterfall hot tub," Shadow says.

"Oooh," Lovely says. "And if you win, I'll give you..."

"That blue box," Shadow cuts in.

"Deal," the Adjustor says. The screen goes blank.

Lovely turns on the Adjustor. "What did I tell you about shutting up!?"

The Adjustor thinks long and hard. "To...?"

"EXACTLY!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Shadow calls another subject of hers over. "Quick, go build me a waterfall hot tub." The crewperson hurries off to do that. Murv looks heartbroken.

"Don't give me that look, Murv. I need you here," Shadow says. "You can build the next one."

On the viewscreen the Insanity speeds away.

"Hey, she's racing!" Smudje points.

Rumyk leans forward. "I like a good race. Murv! Ready to kick their butts?"

"Sure," Murv says as he steers the ship after them.

"I want a more confident answer!" Rumyk orders.

"Yeah! We're gonna win!" Murv says a little louder.

"More!"

"They're going down so hard the'll...never...get back up again!" Murv shouts.

"That's more like it," Rumyk says.

Murv pilots the ship expertly. The two ships are side by side, nearing the planet.

Rumyk is at the edge of her seat. "If you don't win this, Murv, I will throw you out an airlock."

If that isn't incentive, Murv doesn't know what is. He overtakes the Insanity and they get to the planet first.

"Yes we won!" Rumyk cheers. "Get them on screen so I can gloat."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lovely answers the hail. A red demon-woman is on screen. Not that Lovely can see that.

"We beat you in the race!" Rumyk gloats.

"Nuh-uh, 'cause we weren't racing," Lovely says. "Right, Skip?"

"Right, we weren't racing at all," Skip says, trying to sound like he isn't lying and doing a bad job of it.

"Shut up," Rumyk says.

Shadow shoves onto the screen. "See you on the planet."

"Fine," Lovely says. "And Shadow? No funny stuff. Deal?"

"Deal."

They hang up.

"Let's do this," Lovely says.

"What if you don't win?" Zackery asks in a concerned voice.

"Oh, I'll win," Lovely says. "A new waterfall hot tub is at stake."

"And also all of time and space as we know it," the Adjustor adds.

Lovely attempts to point at her. "That's your fault."

Lovely, Moxie, Vya, and Zackery beam down. They meet with Shadow, Rumyk, Smudje, and Murv.

"You ready to do this?" Lovely asks.

"Bring it," Shadow replies.

Rumyk and Vya give each other suspicious glares. Moxie gives Smudje a crippling death glare of certain death. It doesn't have the desired effect (which is death). Smudje smiles back evilly. Zackery and Murv share confused glances.

Lovely crosses her arms. "Rules?"

Shadow studies the dry, dusty landscape. "Whoever's team goes down into this canyon and back up the other side first wins," she says.

"Zackery and one of yours will be referees," Lovely says. "They will _honestly_ disqualify anyone who cheats."

Smudje snaps her fingers. "Well that ruins my plans for the day."

They begin the competition by rapelling down the canyon wall. Zackery puts on his glasses and watches closely for any bad behavior. Murv silently gloats to himself about his superior eyesight.

The teams race across the canyon floor at top speed. They climb the other side, equally matched. Lovely's team gets to the top a fraction of a half second before Shadow's.

"We win!" Lovely cheers.

"Guess what," Shadow says. "I don't care." Each of the bad guys grabs one of the good guys and Shadow calls for a beam up.

When they appear on Shadow's ship Lovely turns on her enemy. "You promised no funny stuff!"

"Do you find this funny?" Shadow asks.

Lovely shuts up.

Murv enthusiastically ties the prisoners up. Vya tries to snap his head off. He nearly has a heartattack. Then he hovers around his three leaders with the hope that they will order him to do something useful. He likes to be useful.

"You will all be my slaves," Shadow says.

"What is your problem, Shadow?" Lovely demands to know.

"You really want to know?" Shadow asks. "You want to know why I hate you so much?"

"Well, I know that," Lovely says. "I made a new friend and you got jealous."

"No!" Shadow exclaims. "The real reason is after our Academy graduation trip, I returned home to find that it had been destroyed!"

"I'm sorry to hear that, but what's it got to do with me?" Lovely asks. "I didn't destroy your homeworld."

"If it weren't for you, I'd have been there! I was supposed to be their queen!" Shadow says.

"Still not my fault, Shadow," Lovely says. "No one asked you to choose the Academy over your homeworld."

 _ **::FLASHBACK::**_

"I'm asking you to choose the Academy over your homeworld!" Lovely says. "Please, it will be more fun if we do it together."

"I don't know, Lovely. I should be getting ready to take over as queen back home," Shadow says uncertainly.

"There's plenty of time for that," Lovely says, dragging Shadow toward the sign-up room. "Think about it! I could be the captain and you'd be my first officer!"

"Well, okay then," Shadow agrees.

 _ **::END FLASHBACK::**_

"Okay, so I did," Lovely says. "But you could've said no!"

"It's too late, Lovely," Shadow says.

"Our ship will come for us." Zackery tries to sound brave but it comes out as a pathetic squeak.

Smudje gets too close to his face. She smells like mangoes. "They can try for days and months and years and centuries, but they will never find you."

A weird sound distracts them all. A blue box appears on the bridge. It opens.

"Freeze! says a person pointing a probably very dangerous and painful weapon at them. "The Adjustor has arrived!"

Lovely and her tied up crew hop, roll, and stumble into the Tardis. Murv makes a noble attempt to stop the rescue, ready to sacrifice his life. The Adjustor sonics the heck out of him (which does absolutely nothing) and returns to the Tardis. It disappears off the bridge.

" _What_ was _that_ ," Rumyk says.

" _That_ is something I want," Shadow says.

The crewmember from earlier rushes in, smacking heads with Murv in the process. Murv is glad for the chance to wipe up the blood from his bleeding nose off the floor. "The waterfall hot tub is ready," the crewperson says.

"I no longer need it." Shadow waves her away. "You can keep it."

The crewmember excitedly turns and leaves. The bridge is quiet except for Murv's vigorous scrubbing. He decided to just do the whole floor while he was at it.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lovely comes out of her ready room. She just sent a message to Admiral Sheldon about finding Shadow and what to do about her and also does he want to get together sometime for coffee or dinner or a late-night movie in her quarters and so on and so forth. Important stuff.

"Do you think we'll be seeing them again?" Moxie asks.

"Of course," Lovely replies. "Shadow still owes me a waterfall hot tub."


	4. Capturing the Bad Guy-or, well, Trying

"HA! Look at them run!" Shadow exclaims excitedly. Nobody answers. Nobody is there. Except Murv, but he's kind of a nobody. Shadow pretends she was talking to Murv so she doesn't look stupid. "Look at them run, Murv," she says lamely.

Smudje had decided on a spontaneous vacation that morning and had spontaneously dragged Rumyk with her, so Shadow is alone. "No one drags the Queen of Darkness anywhere!"

"I'm sorry, my queen?" Murv asks.

"Oh, did I say that out loud," Shadow says. "Well, it's a useful tip, Murv, remember that."

"We are gaining on the Insanity," Murv reports.

"Of course we are, my ship is a million times superior." Shadow hovers (literally and creepily) over the weapons button. "And Lovely's ship will be nothing more than dust in a moment! Are you ready to witness the amazingness that is me?"

Murv is slow at realizing a question has been asked and desperately hopes that it was rhetorical.

Shadow presses the button. The torpedos shoot out and blow the Insanity to Tartarus. A cloud of dust is all that's left.

"Just like I said!" Shadow says triumphantly. "Was that not the most glorious thing you've ever seen, Murv?"

"I couldn't have pushed the button better myself," Murv replies.

"Now that Lovely is out of the picture, I am free to do what I want in peace!"

Murv listens silently as his leader rambles on about world domination, taking over the universe, and having everyone become her slave. He wishes to tell her of the strange readings he's getting from deck four, but he's seen the consequences of interrupting Shadow's evil plots. Though this seems pretty important...She'd probably want to know this...but...consequences...

Meanwhile, Shadow has been getting quite off topic. "Murv, are you listening?" Shadow asks harshly. "I _said_ , do you think I look better in black, or really really dark grey?"

Murv inspects the two pretty much identical earring sets she's holding up. He supposes deck four is unimportant...no one ever goes there anyway. "Um...black, I think," he answers.

Shadow scrutinizes the earrings. "Really?" She flings them all over her shoulder, puncturing a random slave's eye. "Eh, I don't need earrings. Come Murv! Let us celebrate the complete and utter drestruction of our mortal enemy."

Before they go anywhere, the lights go out. Shadow looks around. "What happened?"

Murv doesn't look around, he can't see at the moment. He wonders if he should mention the strange readings he got from deck four. Maybe not... "I don't know, my lady, I'll fix it."

Shadow watches him fumble around in the dark. He accomplishes absolutely nothing before the lights come on by themselves. Shadow continues to watch him fumble around in the light now. Then she hears noises coming from the vents.

"Okay, which of you slaves are messing around in the vents again?" Shadow says.

The lights go off. There are very obvious shuffling and clanking noises in the vents. Then the consoles go off and the engine stops.

"Murv, what is happening to my ship?" Shadow demands.

"I don't...

"Well FIX IT!"

Murv trips over his chair, a cargo box, an empty soda can, a full soda can, another chair, his own feet, and the slave with the punctured eye in his rush to fix things.

 _ **ELSEWHERE ON SHADOW'S SHIP**_

"Good job, Moxie, that'll slow her down so Admiral Sheldon can catch up and arrest her," Lovely says.

The Adjustor drops out of the vent into the engine room. "I turned the lights out," the Adjustor says.

"Adjustor," Lovely says.

"Yeeees, Captain?"

"I told you not to bother with the lights, didn't I? Shadow can see in the dark anyway!" Lovely says.

"Ooooh..." the Adjustor says. "I must've missed that part."

"You're missing a lot of parts."

Vya comes in. "All the crew on this deck have been dealt with."

"Now we just wait for Admiral Sheldon to get here," Lovely says.

Moxie bounces on her toes. Vya looks around with her flashlight. The Adjustor shines her light in the captain's face.

"I have a feeling you're doing something annoying, Adjustor," Lovely says.

"So what now, love," Moxie says.

"I guess our work here is done," Lovely says. "We'll go back and..."

"The lights just came back on!" the Adjustor says with much concern.

"I told you the lights don't matter!"

"Hold on, I'll go turn them off again." The Adjustor disappears into the vent.

"Come back here!" Lovely calls after her. "That woman is deaf."

"We can't get back to the Insanity without her to fly the Tardis," Vya says.

"Go after her, Vya. And I don't mind if you have to drag her back by her hair. Actually, let's make that an order," Lovely says.

Vya squeezes into the vent.

"Someone's coming!" Moxie says. "Someone's coming," she says less loudly.

"I heard you the first time," Lovely says.

"Yeah, but then I remembered to be quiet, love."

"We should probably hide," Lovely says.

They run in a panicky ungraceful manner into a corner of the engine room and hide behind some crates. Murv walks in and looks around very carefully. Then he snaps his fingers and the engine comes back on.

"See Murv, you are good for something," Shadow says over the comm. "You fixed that faster than any of those incompetant slaves that are supposed to be working down there."

"It doesn't appear that anyone is even down here," Murv replies.

"I think we are being sabotaged, Murv. Be a sweetheart and bring them to me so I can torture them to death," Shadow says. "And the slaves that should be in the engine room, too. They are useless to me."

"Yes, my queen." Murv searches the empty engine room and completely misses the two intruders hiding in the corner. He goes out into the hall and finds an unconscious pile of slaves in the janitor closet. He sets to the task of bringing them up to Shadow one at a time.

"He's gone," Moxie says.

Something really heavy drops out of the vent and crushes Lovely to the floor. "Oh, here we are," the Adjustor says. "I got lost for a second."

"Get off," Lovely orders.

The Adjustor takes her time getting off. Vya comes out of the vent soon after and grabs the Adjustor by the hair, drags her in a circle, and brings her back to Lovely.

"OW, what was that for," the Adjustor complains.

"Sorry, I had orders," Vya says.

"Thank you, Vya, I needed that," Lovely says.

"We should leave before Shadow finds us, loves," Moxie says.

"Right! Yes! To the Tardis!" the Adjustor exclaims.

"Could you be quieter?" Lovely grumbles.

"Why yes, I can!" the Adjustor says rather loudly.

Lovely clenches her teeth in annoyance. "Can you be quiet _now_!?"

"Mm-hmm," the Adjustor says cheerfully. She starts marching down the hall, for which she gets yelled at, and then starts tiptoeing down the hall toward... She suddenly stops and Lovely runs into her.

"Now what?" Lovely asks.

"Where did I park the Tardis again?" the Adjustor wonders.

"Deck four, love," Moxie says helpfully.

"Right!" The Adjustor switches to a whisper. "I mean, right."

The hall suddenly starts filling up with black mist. Two black eyes and a smile of sharp teeth floats in the mist. "I thought you might be here," Shadow says. "How did you suvive the destruction of your ship?"

Lovely shrugs and makes an I-don't-know noise. Vya turns her so she's actually facing toward the floating eyes and Lovely repeats herself.

"Well, I'm glad you are alive. I'm always in need of more slaves." Shadow looks thoughtful. "They seem to be most useful at being tortured to death these days."

"You're sick, Shadow," Lovely says. "I'd destroy your ship before I let you enslave my crew."

Shadow snorts. "With what? Your ship is gone." She creepily floats closer.

Vya directs Lovely backwards. She swipes at Shadow but her claws only go through the mist. Shadow's hand appears out of thin air and smacks Vya sideways. She smashes into the wall and leaves a Vya-sized dent.

"Oh, so you want to do it this way, do you?" Shadow says. "I don't mind."

The black mist gets thicker. Moxie doesn't know where to aim her phaser. It gets ripped from her hand and she is also smacked into the wall. She lands on top of Vya. Lovely aims her phaser around, waiting for the moment where she can sense Shadow. The phaser is taken from her hand very gently, and then Shadow's long claws wrap around her neck not-so-gently.

" _You_ are a little trouble-maker," Shadow growls. "We're gonna have to fix that."

Lovely senses Shadow become tangible and tries to punch her in the face, but hits nothing.

"You should just give up, Lovely," Shadow says. Something headbutts her in the face, surprising her enough to drop Lovely on her butt.

"Take that, fiend!" the Adjustor exclaims. She then uselessly tries to sonic Shadow.

" _Darn it_ , you have a hard head," Shadow says as she wipes black blood dripping from her nose.

"Tell me about it," Lovely mutters, swinging her arms around wildly in search of anyone. She trips onto Vya's back and hangs on for the ride as they are suddenly sprinting down the corridor.

The Adjustor runs into about six and a half walls because the mist is blacking out the whole ship, but she manages to lead everyone to the Tardis. Shadow is blocking the way. "I'm not letting you get away that easy...or you know...at all."

"Move, Shadow, or I will give the order to destroy your ship," Lovely says.

"No."

Lovely taps her communicator. "Rocky, shoot."

The ship starts shaking with phaser and torpedo hits. Shadow snarls at them. The Adjustor sonics the console beside Shadow and it explodes, flinging her across the room. They all rush for the Tardis.

"What's taking so long!" Lovely asks.

"I think I brought the wrong key!" the Adjustor says.

"What! What other keys do you even...nevermind! Just get it open!" Lovely orders.

The Adjustor snaps her fingers and the Tardis doors open. They all pile in.

"So that whole key panic was for nothing," Vya says.

The Tardis disappears off deck four. Other things explode and rip apart. "Murv, get to an escape pod," Shadow says. Then she slips out the vents and into space.

 _ **ON THE INSANITY**_

"The admiral will be getting here in a few minutes," Skip announces.

"But you destroyed the ship? There's no one to arrest now," Zackery says, confused as usual.

"Don't be so sure," Lovely says.

Zackery doesn't mention that he was never sure and probably won't ever be at this point.

"Captain, the admiral's ship has arrived," Skip says.

"Tell him to come on board," Lovely says.

Skip messages back and forth with the admiral. "Uh, he says that won't be necessary. You can just transport the prisoner."

"Tell him it's safer for him to come over here," Lovely says. "And also send his ship away to hide. I don't want Shadow seeing that we have backup."

"You really think she's still alive, love?" Moxie asks.

"Yes I do, so keep working on that containment cell thingy whatever you call it," Lovely replies.

"Sure thing, love."

"The admiral is coming on board," Skip says.

"Perfect." Lovely makes her way to the transporter room to meet him. "Welcome aboard Admiral Sheldon!"

Admiral Sheldon knows it is useless to try and correct her on the proper way of addressing him.

"You are looking as great as ever," Lovely continues.

Admiral Sheldon stares at her uncomprehendingly, wondering how she can look at him in her state. He opens his mouth but Lovely is already talking again.

"I know I can't exactly see, but I can make out your shape, and that's all I really need, isn't it?"

Admiral Sheldon is glad she can't properly see his flustered expression.

"So I take it you got my message about dinner or a movie?"

Admiral Sheldon can't seem to get a word in.

"I had a great idea. How about we do both? Like, at the same time. In my quarters."

Admiral Sheldon changes the topic as quickly as possible. "Captain, um, where's the prisoner?"

"There's a time for that, Admiral, and now is not that time." Lovely is suddenly right in front of him, how does she move that fast? She is running her hand down his tie, removing it from it's rightful place beneath his jacket. "I'd say...that it's time for us."

"Um, Captain, is this-" His voice has suddenly gone all high-pitched. He clears his throat. "Uh, I mean...what, uh, where is the prisoner?"

"She's on her way, don't worry," Lovely says. "There will be time for that later."

Admiral Sheldon doesn't have to wait for later. He is quite worried right now. He finds himself being led away by his tie. Thankfully, before they get to her quarters, the corridor fills up with black smoke. A shadowy figure floats forward.

"Hello again, Lovely," Shadow says.

"Geez, Shadow, can't you see this is a bad time?" Lovely says.

"Well, _excuse_ me, I didn't know you had a date," Shadow says, crossing her arms.

Admiral Sheldon really wants to point out that this isn't a date. Is it?

Shadow looks him up and down. "Heeey, you're that teacher from the academy. Mr Sheldon, right?"

"Mr Sukama, er, Admiral Sukama now, please," Admiral Sheldon says.

"Oooh, an Admiral," Shadow says.

"If you'll excuse us, Shadow, we were busy," Lovely says.

"Actually, we weren't doing anything-" Admiral Sheldon says.

"Not yet."

"-and you, Shadow, are under arrest for..." Admiral Sheldon pulls a list out and looks at it for a bit too long. "For a lot of things, so you'll be coming with me."

"No no. I won't be going anywhere," Shadow says confidently.

Lovely taps her commbadge. "Moxie, we have a visitor."

"That's nice, love," Moxie replies. "Have fun."

"No, I mean a _visitor_ ," Lovely repeats.

"Oooooh."

Shadow glares at them suspiciously. "What are you up to."

"Like you said, Shadow. I'm on a date." Lovely holds up Admiral Sheldon's hand and proceeds to walk right through Shadow and down the hall. Shadow floats cautiously after them.

Lovely leads Shadow right into their trap, a specialized force field containment unit. "Aha! Got you."

"Oh, I see, all that was part of your plan to trick her," Admiral Sheldon says.

"Nope, we're still on a date, mister," Lovely says much to Admiral Sheldon's dismay.

"But I, uh, need to take the prisoner back to headquarters and-"

"Nah, that'll hold her while we finish up," Lovely says.

But Lovely is wrong. Shadow seeps out of the not-so-special specialized force field containment unit and drifts away off into space.

"She's gone, love," Moxie says.

"Oh, well, that plan failed," Lovely says disappointedly.

"How are we gonna put her in jail if nothing can contain her?" Moxie wonders.

" _That_ is a problem for another time, Moxie," Lovely says, already pulling her captive down the hall. "Me and Admiral Sheldon will be in my quarters."

"Alrighty, love," Moxie says. "Have fun."


End file.
